Motherhood & Creativity
I asked 13 women how to balance being a mom and being an artist. Here's what they said.
This week I had the pleasure of hearing from thirteen different women from various backgrounds about their experiences balancing their identities as mothers and as artists. Some women paint, knit, design clothes, design sets, sew, photograph, or block print. From Colorado to Mexico, Portugal to England, and Sweden to Canada- these women live all over the world. And even though each person’s experience is uniquely their own, there were common themes in everyone’s responses.
I cannot say enough how much I enjoyed reading these and writing them up. I feel very honored that so many of you shared vulnerable and personal anecdotes. I know these will resonate with more people all over the world and make a mom somewhere feel less alone and more understood. And maybe even more inspired!
Multiple Identities
A common theme between all the responses was exploring the difficulty in balancing the identity of both mom and artist. Becoming a mother changes every part of your life: your body, time, sleep, relationships, and even your worldview. And that’s not to say it’s a bad thing! It’s just different.
Every single recipient wrote that they were still trying to find the balance between their identities. Some said they felt completely absorbed by motherhood and that art has taken a back seat in their life. Others said that art has been crucial to maintaining their mental health and they have worked hard to carve out distinct time for it as often as they can. Sonia, from Portugal, wrote, “My art is my release and it’s a part of my identity so it feels like sometimes this identity has died. It’s only now that I’m really trying to carve out time to sit down and create.”
Tay from England summarized this nicely, saying “There’s so much pressure in motherhood and nonstop decision-making that can be so overwhelming. Crocheting and other crafts have become extremely important to my mental health.”
The phase of motherhood you’re in can also affect how creative you feel. Hanaan from New Jersey wrote, “When my baby was first born I found it really difficult to stay inspired and continue my creative projects. I was so overwhelmed by the newness of motherhood, not to mention so sleep-deprived. As she’s gotten older and we’ve settled somewhat into a routine, I’ve been able to carve out some time for myself here and there.”
On creating separate times to feed different parts of yourself, Anne-Sophie from Montreal wrote, “I create and work during the day time and enjoy life with my loved ones at night and on weekends. It helps me separate my identity as an artist and a mother.”
Taking the pressure off seems to be helpful too. You don’t have to choose between mother and artist; it can ebb and flow. On this note, Grace from Colorado says, “I think it is a constant give and take to balance being a mom and an artist. Some days I feel like an artist and I’ve hit a stride and other days I’m primarily a mom and that’s okay. I try to give myself grace and see it as a fluid process.”
I have found so often that parenthood is full of phases- both good and bad. Six months ago, I could barely get my 18-month-old to play independently without me for a few minutes. Today, I got to cook breakfast in the other room while he played with his trains in his room. I remember, months ago, being so desperate for a second alone. I reminded myself of this today; everything is a phase!
Time Scarcity
This theme popped out immediately and strongly resonated with me. It’s a paradox because some days it feels like we’re fighting to make it bedtime and others feel like the hours are slipping by.
A lot of art requires a certain environment; maybe certain cumbersome materials like a pottery wheel or an easel with paints, or maybe it requires just mental space, quiet, and a good chunk of alone time.
Before I became a mom, I would try to paint every day and had a lengthy ritual before beginning. These kinds of practices can be hard to mold into a new and unpredictable schedule.
Bailey, an artist from Colorado, summarized this well: “I am the type of artist who needs space and time to meditate on ideas and slowly get into my creative energy. Since becoming a mother, hour or two-hour chunks are all I have as far as active "work" time. It’s hard to get into my zone knowing that my son will wake up at any moment!”
Florence, from Western Canada, brought up the feeling of time scarcity by saying, “There is no longer the time to nurture creativity in the way there was before, though that is okay and I firmly believe that time will return later again in my life. I've found that there are months of motherhood that have had no time for creativity and then months of creating and mothering with more energy than I've ever had for it. I find comfort in reminding myself that nothing is permanent, there are days where my own needs can't be met before my child's and there are days that feel light and we find a groove where after I put him to bed I soak up the quiet and dive into my projects.”
Wilma, from Sweden, wrote, “I used to have all the time in the world and now I feel like there is no time at all. I try to focus on creating without the pressure of achieving anything advanced or ‘well thought’. In school, everything had to have meaning or a message, now since graduating and becoming a parent I have focused on what feels good and what’s FUN.”
These responses summed up the complexities that I have felt too. After reading them, I was led to the idea of acceptance. If I can let go of my rigidity and realize that in parenthood, everything is a phase and soon I will have a phase of being able to create more.
I adore the idea of adjusting your art for this phase of life; letting go of making art in the way you used to and embracing a new relationship to it. Part of the reason I have fallen so deep into knitting comes from how portable and easy it is to pick up and work on here and there.
Nicole, from Washington, wrote something similar: “I have to be more intentional about my creative time and set things up for myself. Accessibility is huge at this point, so knitting has been great because it’s so portable and easy to pick up and put down for the most part.”
Being intentional can also be helpful; sometimes just a little planning and adjusting can make the strive for balance a little easier. Blanda, in Los Angeles, wrote, “One thing that has really helped me is setting a specific day and time for when I get to be in the studio.”
Finding Acceptance
Seeking out balance is what so many of us are looking for in a phase of life where so many things are unbalanced. Adjusting to parenthood and the new life can be difficult. But it can also be extraordinary.
When asked how motherhood has changed her relationship to creativity, Luna from Oaxaca, Mexico says, “Motherhood opened my eyes to new ways of seeing. I appreciate the time I get to make art now and it makes me feel connected to myself again.”
Tay echoed this theme when writing, “Seeing your child’s imagination at work is a beautiful experience. It takes you back to your own childhood, your interests and inspirations, and combining those things to create can be extra special and even healing. I find that a lot of the things I make are just what I wanted to wear as a 10-year-old.”
Sarah from Texas wrote, “Right now it feels like I either have to sacrifice sleep, hanging out with friends, working out or one one-on-one time with my husband. It's true there will be a period of time when I can't produce as much, but I know in time I will find a balance.” Accepting that this part of life is new and different from your life before can be helpful when trying to figure out a new way of doing things. Instead of trying to get back to how things used to be, adjust to a new normal of how things can work now.
Combining art & motherhood
A lot of what was mentioned was striving to find a balance between two parts of ourselves. Personally, this has been helpful for me when at times, I felt like my complete envelopment in motherhood had made it feel like other versions of me were slipping away.
However, rather than finding time to nurture each part of yourself, it can be equally useful to consider combining these identities and nurturing them together. Laurel, from the Midwest, wrote “Being a mother is the greatest creative achievement, forever changing + encouraging me to adapt. It feels a lot like my creative practice as an artist. I follow the baby's lead a lot.”
A few people mentioned including your child with you while you create art. Florence wrote, “I find comfort in showing my kid how to play and make items, how normal it has become for him to see this in his home.” Bailey wrote something similar: “I would love to have more fluidity between the two identities. I think as my son gets older and potentially grows more of an interest in my work we can bond over art making and discover together the specific mediums that he likes.”
Advice for other people seeking a balance between parenthood and creativity
My last question to everyone was to give a piece of advice to any other parents seeking a balance between art and parenthood. Everyone’s notes were so great, that I wanted to include them all! They resonated with me and I hope they do with you too!
“Be patient with yourself and don’t think that you are losing or wasting time while being with your child. There are times to be a mother and times to be an artist and times to be both. Times is not running away and is here for you to be present” -Luna
“For parents who are lacking space and time to create: Be kind to yourself, your art practice will always be there for you when you return. Focus on smaller projects in the meantime or write your ideas down in a journal so they are there when you do have time.” -Bailey
“Try to have FUN! Do what feels good rather than what looks good. I guess we will eventually have time? At least that’s what I try to tell myself. An hour of knitting every evening is heaven to me and my reset time. And I look forward to the day my daughter is old enough to create with me! -Wilma
“You are not alone!!! With social media, it’s almost impossible to not feel like you’re falling behind in some way but it’s not real life. Slow down, take your time, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Figure out a weekly schedule with your partner or support system that dedicates time for you to be creative. Feel no guilt about it!! The truth is everyone is just doing their best and no one has it figured out. Comparison is pointless. And the dirty laundry/dishes can wait, go get some rows in!! -Tay
“Give yourself grace! Don’t linger on social media if you feel shame for all that you aren’t making. Social media should help inspire and if it’s not definitely take a break from it.” -Grace
“You can’t do this wrong. Just keep at it. Remember that little preparations for your creative endeavors also count towards filling that cup. I spend days gathering supplies sometimes and then when it’s finally all there and ready for me to get started I can jump in and out as I have the time. Somedays all I have time for is dreaming of my next move and hey, that’s ok too.” -Nicole
Relish in the little moments during the day when your creativity is collecting all the inspiration. -Sonia
It’s so important to make time to do the things you love even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day. Oftentimes, instead of getting household chores done, I choose to knit while she sleeps. I find that when I pour into myself daily, I’m able to show up more fully for her. -Hanaan
“Hold space for the way it used to feel, it’s okay to be sad about missing the time or physical space you once had to create. And after you've let yourself grieve those pieces remember that there are so many moments in motherhood that will absolutely make you a better artist” -Florence.
Thank you guys for reading and being a part of this thoughtful community. I am going through it alongside all of you!
Till next time!
What a wonderful post! It's so good to know that I'm not the only one feeling all of these things, thank you so much for bringing all of these voices together, Kayla.
I really loved this piece, Kayla - thank you! Being a mother and artist/writer can feel so complicated and lonely. Your piece reminded me that we are all here, figuring it out together.