A few Saturdays ago, I was getting dressed to teach a class on Scrap Knitting. It was a rainy, cold day in Los Angeles and I was scrambling in my closet to find an outfit that represented me. I’ve written about it before (see here) but getting dressed and the relationship between style and identity continues to shift since having my son and I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I don’t fit in most of my pre-baby clothes and find myself searching for a new outfit recipe that fits who I am now.
After trying on a heap of options, I found an outfit I was satisfied with. Afterwards, I thought about why I liked it. A lot of it came down to the meaning behind each piece. Even though I hadn’t thought of it before- each part of the outfit represented something nostalgic for me, from different phases of my life, and putting them all together somehow made me feel put together.
Nothing feels worse than going out and being stuck in an outfit that doesn’t feel “you.” Getting dressed can be an emotional act- what you are choosing to wear signals to the world a message about yourself and it also sends a message to yourself. Items can hold meaning and memories and feelings. Putting on a good outfit can easily switch a bad day to a good one. After thinking it over, I’ve written down some memories behind each piece to start to break down why this outfit made me feel me.
Nostalgic Outfit Breakdown
To begin, the most salient ingredient in this outfit is an old Marc Jacobs puffer. I bought it secondhand when I lived in New York as a 21 year old college student. It was $36 and I’m almost 100% confident is for children (it fits super tight around the shoulders). The zipper broke my senior year. I was sitting on a brownstone stoop on West 11th street, finishing up a phone call with Dylan before my class began and trying to zip up my jacket when the zipper simply broke in half. Five years later, it still doesn’t zip up. The memories it houses feel like they’re from a past life- some different version of me that feels miles away from where I am now. But when I wear it today, it feels like a hug from an old friend.
Second ingredient: this black linen skirt. Picked up at a French farmer’s market last summer for maybe 20 euro, it’s simply sewn, nothing fancy. But it is soft and adjusts to my fluctuating body and is extremely comfortable, something that has become a nonnegotiable for me. Every summer, I try to pick up a few basics from these French markets- given that LA stays hot until about November (and I wore this in March!) they get a lot of wear all year!
Next up is this patchwork vest I made this year. It started as a baby blanket but I quickly ran out of stamina and it sat in a heap in a basket on my closet shelf for a full year. It just sat there and I felt no energy or enthusiasm to finish it. Until I did! And I’ve worn it now plenty of times. There is something satisfying about wearing something you made with your own hands. I think I made this vest during an entire season of Love Island UK (whatever season Ekin-Su was on) in bed, during the quiet hours after my son fell asleep.
Lastly, my treasured Miista boots. I bought these secondhand on Depop, but you can find the original here. Last winter, I spent months searching for the perfect boot. Something sturdy, comfortable, and somewhat sophisticated yet eclectic. I wanted something that I wasn’t afraid to scuff up but that I could still dress up to go out. I have always loved these knee-high Ganni boots but they felt unattainable due to their high price point. And then I found these Miista boots and fell in love. They are extremely comfortable and I love the way they zip up on my ankle. They were one of my first postpartum purchases on the never ending journey of reconfiguring my style as a mom.
I am still trying to figure out my style amidst this changing phase of life. It’s continuing to change, like dressing for different seasons. Sometimes when it’s time to get dressed I find myself staring blankly at my closet- unsure of what I should put on. I felt so sure of my style for so long and since having my son I feel like I am starting over, piece by piece, figuring out what makes me feel good to wear.
One aspect of this style reconstruction is the emotions behind each piece; and that’s what this outfit reminded me.
What about you? What items in your closets hold memories of yours?